Domestically Bi-Polar

I don't use that mental health term lightly - since I have thrown myself out there into the realm of internet "strangers", I will briefly explain why I use that term to describe myself.

Growing up I was the eldest girl of 3 sisters. I was the typical "oldest" child in that I was very driven, ambitious and independent. I went to university right out of highschool and got my degree and started a career. I married early (at 21) but never intended to have children right away because I knew I wanted to establish a strong career before taking any time off.

True to my plan, my husband (G) and I were married for 4 years by the time Girlie (not her real name thank goodness!) was born. I planned to take my year maternity leave then return to full-time employment as a director at a retirement home. I had NO idea how far life would take me from this plan...

Immediately after Girlie was born I fell into a deep, dark, postpartum depression. I could write forever and a day about the thoughts, images and horrors that happened to me when I was in this place, but I will spare you those details. Basically, I spent a total of 6 months in a psychiatric ward, 12 weeks receiving electric shock treatments, and 2 years battling my inner demons. I was quite literally in hell and I couldn't get out. I was suicidal a lot of the time, and my daughter was not allowed to be with me unless I had two other adults present (I will say though that this was precautionary - I never hurt my daughter).

Due to my extreme illness I was unable to return to work, even though I tried repeatedly to work part-time in my field. I failed time and time again and this made my depression even worse. I WOULD not and COULD not be a stay-at-home-mom; that was everything that I claimed I never wanted before I had my daughter. I could not fathom life outside of my profession, since (in my opinion at the time), women who stayed home with their children were wasting a perfectly good university education. I was not going to be that woman whom I had judged for so long.

I have impulsivity problems - I will be the first to admit that. I try something and give it everything I've got, then I stop. Cold turkey. That's what I thought this "domestic" business would be....give it a go for a bit then get turned off. Well, a year later and I am still fully embracing my new life, and now I feel that it is time to share my story of hope with an audience that I might not be able to reach otherwise.

I AM a stay-at-home-mom. I homeschool my daughter. I cook, I bake, and I "DIY" my house to death.

This is my life, and I am in love.